Intervention
by whoknows213
Summary: Rachel and the gang feel that Quinn has developed a horrible addiction and they confront her on it. Not the best summary. A slight Faberry.


Okay, so I know I should be updating on "Swept Away" which I am super sorry I haven't done. But my laptop is in the shop and it has the next chapter on there. So, to kind of make up for it's tardiness I wrote this while I was bored and had a computer at my disposal. This is a REALLY random story, but this idea just came to me and I had to do it.

This takes place post baby Fabray.

So, here is "Intervention". Enjoy. =^D

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**Intervention**

Blonde hair poked out from under a pale blue comforter as she slept soundly. Quinn rolled over with hopes of wrapping an arm or two around a beautiful brunette when she came up empty handed… or armed.

A hazel eye cracked open as she looked to confirm what she felt, or lack thereof. She then searched the room and saw the little diva nowhere in sight. A frustrated grunt was let out as she once again closed her eyes and rolled back over to her side of the bed, mumbling something about a "potty break". The hazel eyed beauty was almost asleep when a smell invaded her personal space and made her shoot up in the bed. She looked around wide eyed as her tongue darted out of her mouth and hungrily licked her lips. Her stomach gave a loud moan as the smell attacked her once more. In one swift motion she jumped out of the bed and grabbed for her 'Powerpuff Girls' house coat and matching house shoes and fled the room to downstairs.

The closer Quinn got to the 'heavenly' smell the more her mouth started to salivate and she had to lick her lips to keep from drooling on herself. As she entered the kitchen a devilish smirk started to play on her lips as she spotted a plate resting on the counter. On it, she could see little red-ish brown strips. As she neared the plate she started to lick her lips feverishly and whispered "my old friend" under her breath. But, once she got to the plate, the look that could have only been described as slight arousal fell in an instant and was replaced with fury.

"What the hell is this! Is this some kind of sick joke?" Quinn's neck nearly snapped as she heard her name being called from the living room. She snatched up the plate and stomped her way into the room. Glaring at the contents of the plate she yelled, "what the hell is this debaclery? Who's idea was it to get turkey bacon!"

When Quinn heard a distinct cough come from in front of her, she looked up and away from the 'fake-con' and to a room filled with people. The Berry living room had every seat filled, even a few spots on the floor had been taken up. But, she soon noticed there was one seat next to her girlfriend that still remained open. "What's going on here?" She questioned as her nose scrunched up in confusion.

Rachel gave her a small smile and spoke first. "Quinn, please, come sit down."

The blonde girl blinked a few times, still not sure of what was going on, but obediently took a seat next to her fun sized diva.

"I don't understand, what is everyone doing here?" She looked around as her eyes fell on Mr. and Mr. Berry, a hefty majority of the Glee club, including Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury, the school janitor, and even Coach Sylvester. She then noticed a short chubby man with glasses and a bald spot in the center of his head. He also had a beard and this really eerie presence about him, kind of like an over enthusiastic camp consoler. Oddly enough, he was the next person to speak.

In a rather high pitched voice for a middle aged man he said, "we are all here to help you, Quinn. Everyone here cares about you very much."

If the girl wasn't confused before, she sure as hell was confused now. "What the heck are you talking about, Dr. Phil? Who are you?"

Rachel could sense her girlfriend getting uneasy, so she laced her fingers with the other girl to try and calm her. "This is Dr. Steve, sweetie. He is here to help us. To help you." Rachel gave a light squeeze to Quinn's hand to convey her statement.

"Dr. Steve? Are you serious? What kind of doctor goes by his first name? Other than Dr. Phil, who I mind you isn't a real doctor. And judging by the looks of this guy he isn't one either. Seriously, Rach. What is going on here?"

Rachel turned to the doctor, "you'll have to excuse her rudeness. She gets a little cranky in the morning when she hasn't had her… 'fix'." She made sure to use air quotations to get her point across. But, Dr. Steve merely nodded his head and shrugged his shoulders.

"There is no need to be alarmed, Quinn. You are in a safe place now. Just think of this room as your cocoon and us as the time it will take for you to become a beautifully healed butterfly."

Quinn's right eye started to twitch as she looked at the man in front of her. Was this guy _serious_?

"Quinn, all of the people in this room have agreed you have a problem."

"A problem with what?" Quinn was more than annoyed and offended by this point.

"Bacon." The balding man stated simply.

Quinn's face paled at this news. "W-what? I don't have a problem with bacon! It is an extremely delicious food that hasn't done any harm to me or anyone else for that matter. What kind of problem can I have with bacon?"

"Well, for starters you were about to decapitate someone for giving you turkey bacon." Santana mumbled from her place on the floor. Quinn simply looked at her with her jaw hung low.

"Quinn," Dr. Steve said, "you don't mind if call you Quinn do you?" He didn't wait for a reply. "Everyone here has a story of how your bacon abuse has hurt them one way or another. Who would like to share first?" Mr. Berry, Ronald, Rachel's Daddy, raised his hand hesitantly. Dr. Steve smiled with his beady little eyes. "Good, go ahead Mr. Berry. And remember, Quinn. We are here to help, not attack."

Ronald's deep blue eyes bore into Quinn as he spoke. "Quinn, dear. You are aware that we love you very much, and you are welcomed into our home as if you were our own child. However… your- er- bacon addiction, is starting to have a costly effect on our funds. I mean, it was fine when you were pregnant, it was only natural for a young girl like yourself to have strong cravings. But, now it is getting a bit ridiculous. I mean, Arnold and I have very good careers as a doctor and lawyer respectively, but, you are hurting our bank accounts quite a bit. I have had to go to the store to buy bacon seven times out of the week, sometimes even on the same day."

By this point in time the other Mr. Berry, Arnold, had grabbed his hand and finished with, "we care about you a lot, sweetheart. We just really would like to stop financially supporting this behavior. I mean, I am surprised your blood hasn't turned into bacon fat. It is more about your health than anything."

"But the fact that we could go broke from it is also being taken into account." Ronald added at the last minute.

Dr. Steve started to clap as he bounced up and down with excitement. "Very good! I feel we have made some real progress with that story, don't you, Quinn?" Quinn started to answer but the plump little man continued on before she could speak. "Who's next?"

Much to Quinn's confusion the school janitor stood up. She wasn't quite sure why he was here, or why he was in his janitor uniform on a Saturday morning, but she didn't dwell on that fact. He took off his hat as he spoke in his deep raspy voice, very similar to that of one Larry the Cable Guy. "I saw Miss Fabray in my janitor closet two weeks ago eating bacon at the end of eighth period. It surely done caught me by surprise when I had to stop my janitor-in' duties to check my closet because of the moanin' sounds comin' from it. I thought it was another group of crazy teens consummatin', but it was Miss Faray eatin' a plate of bacon. I didn't stay long enough to ask where she got it from or why she was in my closet." He then placed his hat back on his head as he prepared to leave. " I wouldn't have minded so much if the bacon smell hadn't stayed in there for a whole week after that. I don't mean to cause no fuse, but even I think that is a problem. And I clean up a high school for a livin'." With that the janitor excused himself and left the room.

Everyone stared at Quinn with a mixture of shock, horror, and a little bit of fear. She blushed a deep red as she started to mumble incoherent obscenities.

Mercedes looked at Quinn. "That is really fucked up. Excuse my French Mr. and Mr. Berry."

The men just shrugged it off, still in shock about Quinn's closeted bacon endeavors.

"I can explain!"

"Quinn," Dr. Steve grabbed for her knee. "I don't think there is anything you can say that can correct that. There are some things you just don't do. Next!"

Soon, it seemed like everyone was ready to tell their story.

"She stole bacon from my house!" Santana barked out.

"She fed my duck bacon! He was sick for days. Have you ever tried cleaning up duckie puke? It is not as fun as you would think!" Brittney shouted.

"She slapped me in the face with a pack of bacon. I don't even know where she got it from. She is like a freaking bacon assassin!" Puck said as he held his face, remembering the bacon inflicted hurt.

"One time she bit me saying that I was a piece of bacon. Then she passed out before I could properly scold her for it." Kurt all but squealed.

"She suggested we make a song about bacon to sing at sectionals." Mr. Schue mumbled. But he quickly added, "but I think she was joking. At least, I hope she was."

"She yelled out bacon during sex!" Rachel huffed out. Soon after the room fell silent as a deep red colored the blonde and brunette's cheeks.

" I did not! I have not once called out bacon during sex." No one in the room seemed to believe her.

"Well, maybe that isn't exactly how the event took place but still. It was afterwards and instead of the usual sweet nothings that were whispered in my ear, you shot up talking about your extreme need for bacon."

"I worked up an appetite!" Then she fiercely whispered to the girl. 'I don't think _this _is something _we_ need to discuss in front of _everyone_ we know and your parents!"

"Quinn, I feel just as strongly as you that what happens in the bedroom should stay there. However, your recent escapades have started to take their toll, I have tried to be the supportive girlfriend I know I can be. But I refuse to take the backseat for a salty fatty treat! Rachel Berry does not come in second, especially to fried foods of any sort."

Sue Sylvester in all her tracksuit glory stood from the chair she had been sitting in. "Listen here, Q. I was a bouncy talented teenage girl myself. Granted, I was far more talented and superior than all of you cross-eyed wet seals could ever dream to be, but I too had my weakness." She then glared at every individual in the room. "If any of you humpback whales repeat what I just said or what I am about to say I will personally kill you with my bare hands and mail a piece of you to every living family member you have, got it?" Every person in the room nodded, not wanting to test the force that was Sue Sylvester. "As I was saying, I had it all as a young Susie Sylvester, the looks, the talent, the determination and take no prisoners attitude. But, I did have my weakness, Hoho's" Puck let out a chuckle only to receive a death glare from Sue.

He then attempted to turn his laugh into a cough but failed miserably. "S-sorry. Continue."

"I am watching you, Mr. T." She growled as she went on. "I loved those damn little cream filled cakes smothered in chocolaty goodness. It was like nectar from the Gods! But I had to quit them, they destroyed my girlish figure and natural good looks. Not only that but I was doing things to get my hand on those chocolaty treats, bad things, ruthless things, things that you wouldn't be able to look me in the eye after you find out about. Not that it bothered me to do those things, quite the contrary, I loved it. But again, I had to keep myself from looking like, Aretha Franklin over here." She finished while pointing to Mercedes.

"Hey! I will have you know I am the perfect size."

"Yeah, if your training to become the worlds best sumo wrestler."

Quinn quickly stood up as if she had seen the future. "I think I have seen the light. I will cut down on bacon if it keeps me," she pointed to herself, "from turning out like her." Pointing to her former coach. "If you'll excuse me I am going to go properly end things. If anyone needs me I will be in the kitchen. I need to be alone with bacon for awhile to say goodbye." And with that she trudged into the kitchen with a mourning expression on her face.

Rachel also shot up and clapped her hands together. "Well, I for one think that went extremely well. And considering everyone is here I suggest that we indulge ourselves in a sing-along from the best of 'Funny Girl' and 'Wicked'. Or we can have a movie musiacl marathon! I am thinking the lineup should consist of 'Hair', 'Funny Girl', 'Grease'-"

Rachel was cut off mid stride as Santana raised her hand. "Hey, Steve. How much does an intervention cost?"

"Seventy-five bucks and thirty more if it goes over two hours."

"Well, I think we need to have another one for Berry's musical addiction or just her addiction to be a pain in the ass, either one is fine with me."

"I second that!" Puck adds.

"I am shocked an appalled at this. We are here for, Quinn. Not for my good nature and love of all musicals-"

Quinn's head popped from out of the kitchen with a devilish grin on her face. "Do I make the check out to Steve or Dr. Steve?"

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Well, that is it. I had fun writing this. I know it is super silly and essentially stupid. But this idea had been harassing me, and since I won't be able to post on "Swept Away" for another week or so I had to do this. I hope this made you smile at some point. Oh, and if anything makes Brittney's duck feel better it's reviews. So, feel free to press that magic button and save a duck's life.


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